Don’t forget to wash your chakras

My mum seemed to take a perverse joy in the trials of teenagedom. When I got my first period, all happy memories of representing my school in state high jump trials that day were overshadowed by the horror of sitting mortified in the bathroom, listening through our fibro walls, as mum called every single relative and friend to invariably announce my ‘womanhood’ and ‘flowering’.

My brother didn’t have a much better time of it. Mum had a particularly endearing habit of beating on the door every time he showered, and yelling loud enough for the neighbours to hear her singsong admonition “Don’t forget to pull back your FORE-SKIN and wash your SCRO-TUM”.

I’ve recently started washing something a little strange while in the shower and i sometimes wonder what my mum would think of it.

When i was in Venice in February i was going through an emotional time, trying to make important decisions that would effect my entire family and many of my friends. My travel partner, who is a practicing shaman, suggested that i chat to one of her friend’s in the US. This lovely American woman took one ‘look’ at my chakras via Skype and proceeded to tell me all about ‘me’ with surprising accuracy, explaining which chakras were functioning okay and which ones were entirely blocked. Even more important, she told me what was blocking each chakra and suggested some ‘homework’ to start them flowing correctly as any circulatory system in your body should.

Now… i’m a bit of a skeptic. And beyond my own natural skepticism, i grew up in a belief system where it was insinuated that the practice of pagan occultist meditation such as yoga could swiftly descend into other demonic witchcraft such as sacrificing babies in blenders and the like.

If you’ve ever had the same worries about yoga then salvation is nigh = ChrisToga for the godfearing types has indeed been invented and you can find it right here (really worth watching).

It took me a few days to mentally digest the things i heard in my enlightening Skype session. It wasn’t until we were on the plane on the way home that i finally asked my friend to sketch a picture of the human body, with the general location of the seven chakras so i could silently muse over it some more.

Reveling in being at home with strong consistent wifi, i then spent an evening googling chakras and couldn’t believe what i found.

As a child, i was particularly obsessed with rainbows. Possibly because they were the only remotely artistic thing i could draw. With such an easy formula to follow (ROYGBIV) how could I go wrong? As my blocked chakras will tell you, traditional creativity doesn’t come easily to me – for example i’ve never been able to write cursive, so my signature is in pure print. At least my tittles are Disney style circles so my handwriting still contains a *degree* of originality (i scaled back after a prepubescent love heart tittle stage). I do take solace in the thought that originality ‘often consists in linking up ideas whose connection was not previously suspected‘. But i digress.

I was obsessed with rainbows and always filed my books and hung my clothes in rainbow order and still preferred rainbow tops and shoelaces after (perhaps in spite of) being told the symbolic connection of rainbows to gay pride. Also from the youngest age, my favourite number was 7, perhaps inspired by the representation of biblical completion. There are seven colours, seven musical notes (do re me so fa la ti), seven directions (left, right, up, down, forward, back and center), seven seas (Arctic, Antarctic, North and South Pacific, North Atlantic, South Atlantic, Indian), seven heavens, seven days of the week, seven wonders of the ancient world, seven deadly sins, Enid Blyton’s secret seven…

Despite being fascinated with human spirituality and secret symbology my whole life, i’ve never really looked into so called ‘alternative’ therapies, assuming they were unscientific. But when i saw the official chakra images for the first time i was disconcerted to realise i’d been dreaming of these exact shapes and colours and lights, and i’d been consciously thinking of these interconnected systems in human bodies for *years*. It was like i had re-awoken knowledge that was lying dormant in my subconscious.

I haven’t spent much more time researching or pursuing these studies as i don’t think i’m ready at the moment. I have other more superficial things to attend to. But i have been doing my homework, and i really think it helps.

Very simply, all I do is “open” my chakras in the shower (basically waving my hand in an anticlockwise direction, generally where the chakra should be while imagining each one unwinding and opening)… I rinse my hand under the water in between each chakra and think about letting go and washing away anything I might be unnecessarily holding onto. Once all seven are open, I leave them that way for a while as I do whatever else it is I do in the shower. Then before turning off the hot water, I visualise closing each chakra up again while winding my hand in a clockwise motion and think about how i’m starting the day with a clean slate, clean body and clean mind.

Kinda funny, since i always used to do seven anticlockwise turns and seven clockwise turns at the end of my shower as a kid. Which is interesting as my Crown chakra was mentioned as the best (if only) performer – the crown helps with instinctual knowingness, awareness and spirituality, so it seems that i’ve somehow learned or done a few things “right” along the way. Now to get all the other chakras cleaned, oiled and operational! 🙂


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